Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick

Synopsis:

Today is Leonard Peacock’s birthday. It is also the day he hides a gun in his backpack. Because today is the day he will kill his former best friend, and then himself, with his grandfather’s P-38 pistol.

But first he must say good-bye to the four people who matter most to him: his Humphrey Bogart-obsessed next-door neighbor, Walt; his classmate, Baback, a violin virtuoso; Lauren, the Christian homeschooler he has a crush on; and Herr Silverman, who teaches the high school’s class on the Holocaust. Speaking to each in turn, Leonard slowly reveals his secrets as the hours tick by and the moment of truth approaches.

In this riveting look at a day in the life of a disturbed teenage boy, acclaimed author Matthew Quick unflinchingly examines the impossible choices that must be made—and the light in us all that never goes out.

Rating:★★★

Review:

I liked it but I didn't love it. This definitely opens the mind to a shooter's perspective. The author is not making excuses nor is he trying to justify the actions of a possible shooter. He's only giving the possible other side to the situation.

I felt terrible for Leonard because he is a product of his upbringing and surroundings.. He was literally begging for help and everyone ignored him. His mother, who should have been his biggest supporter, out right refused to acknowledge his need for professional help on more than one occasion because she didn't quote "want to be blamed for his problems". Mother of the year folks 🏆!

I really liked the subnotes that were at the bottom of the pages. It really added some insight and back stories to some of the things Leonard was experiencing. There are also chapters that are labeled letters from the future, which I didn't understand their purpose at first until it was later on in the book explained and I wish it would have been explained earlier. 

I hate how it ended! The unknowing is painful and not in a good suspenseful type of way. I just felt like the book was unfinished. I need to know how these issues were solved; if people were confronted, how did life change, did some relationships fix themselves or did they all crash and burn, basically what the fuck happened??

I'm 50/50 on the recommendation scale. I would still recommend this as a good read but not a great one. It definitely could use some work but I do feel like it is one of a kind in dealing with the topic it's centered around. It could help bring awareness to teens and preteens with dealing with bullies and their victims but at the same time I wouldn't have the highest expectations for this one.